This is the closest to silence I've heard in a long time in my house...Wife is in bed sleeping. The TV is on, but barely loud enough to hear. The fan inside my computer is just a 1200Hz hum in the background of my consciousness. The loudest thing I hear is my typing on this keyboard.

I think existence is built mostly on silence. Most people long for the moments between silence, where things are happening. I mostly long for the silence, and the ability to sit alone with my thoughts.

Before man existed, before life as we know it was an idea, there was silence. And after everything in this world is gone, there will be true silence once again.

I think only sleep brings me real silence, occasionally stirred by dreams and nightmares. I wonder if the Great Sleep will bring eternal silence?

Vacation this week...my first one in quite some time. I guess I was technically on vacation back in April when Northless went on tour, but I was mostly just on tour then. This time, I have absolutely nothing planned. Unfortunately, I am utterly broke which means I probably won't be doing a whole lot of anything. I did re-arrange my pedalboard for the 4th or 5th time in as many months. I'm close...real close. I think I can finally nail every tone I need to with what I have. I'd love to have a pedal that does infinite reverb. Maybe someday I can afford one of those Dr. Scientist Reverberators? Not likely, but a man can dream.

Northless plays with Jucifer on Thursday. It's going to be bittersweet. On the one hand, it'll be awesome to play with Jucifer and hopefully gain some new fans in the process. On the other, it's probably going to be our last show for a while, until we get a bassist up to speed. Still no word on who is going to fill the void...A couple ideas, but nothing concrete. Then again, I haven't been trying as hard as I could. I'm trying to focus on one aspect of the band at a time, and right now my focus is finishing the record and getting a mix ready for Cory and Adam, as well as finishing art. But yeah, in the meantime, I should be thinking more about bassists. I just haven't yet. As much as I hate this line of thinking, I do believe that things will fall into place when they're ready to. One thing's for sure, this band isn't going to dissolve like all of my others. I will keep doing it until I can't anymore. It'll probably end up being just me someday, once my bandmates tire of my scatterbrained, belligerent way of explaining the sounds I hear in my head...plus, let's face it, I can be kind of a control freak asshole sometimes. But, I mean well. And in the end, we create some killer fucking music, or at least I like it...

I think I'm finally getting pretty good at soldering. I've been working on a shitload of pedals lately. I REALLY need to get a decent sounding practice amp, and a video camera of some sort, so I can demo some of the things I've done. I just worked on an Ibanez TS5 Tube Screamer that I am very proud of. I took a shitty sounding $24 overdrive pedal, and turned into quite possibly the best overdrive I've ever played...it's up there, anyway. Moreover, I could really stand to SELL some of the pedals I have around. I just don't want to get ripped off on Craigslist. Truth be told, I do mods for dirt cheap...$25 for dirt boxes, $35 if I'm adding switches or working on more complicated pedals, and $50 if I'm doing something really tricky/time consuming, like working on those Line 6 modeling pedals or doing a difficult repair. I think word is finally starting to get out there, but I really need to push the issue more. Once I get some regular customers, I'll probably raise my prices in 6 months to a year. Maybe then I can make some real cash and sometime, start building my own effects...

...which begs the question: what the shit do I want to build?

I actually think I'd like to design a dirt box that has three footswitches on it: one for overdrive, one for distortion, and one for fuzz. It would essentially be three facets of the same tone, maybe with a blend knob for those who are really picky. I'd like to incorporate a good EQ section as well. I think a pedal like that would be awesome for those who want 3 channels of dirt without having three boxes...I already have some ideas on where I want to go with that, but we'll see what happens.

Fuck, I feel like garbage...not sure if I ate too much, not enough, or just the wrong shit. I did have a frozen Orv's pizza earlier...pretty meh if you ask me. Oh, and some Oreos, too. Yeah, that answers my question: eating the wrong shit. Then again, what else is new? I'm fucking made of bad eating habits. My ever inflating waistline is proof positive of that...

Well, I think that's enough self loathing for now. I'm ready to enjoy some vacation, or at least try to. Hopefully my co-workers don't decide to hire someone else while I'm out...that would be just my luck...Fuck it. At this point, I'd probably tell UWM to shove it up their ass. I'm so sick of being their bitch anyway. September 1st, 2011 cannot come fast enough...not because I'm itching to leave my job, but just because then that feeling of owing someone something will hopefully be lifted from my shoulders...we'll see.